People in grief and those who support them, may expect that eventually, they will reach a point where the pain of the loss completely subsides, and they achieve a sense of “closure”.
When a loved one dies, the intensity of the pain felt by those left behind might surge to unbelievable levels. However, this becomes less intense over time. In this article, we consider whether closure is truly attainable or an unrealistic expectation.
What is Closure?
The word closure means ending. It is a state in which the grieving person has fully accepted the death of their loved one, processed their emotions, and feel at peace, free from the pain associated with the loss.
The appeal of closure is its promises of relief from the emotional turmoil that comes with grief. However, many find the term itself problematic
because it implies a finality that doesn’t always reflect reality.
Is Closure a Myth?
The stages of grief model developed by Kubler-Ross in her ‘Five Stages of grief’ suggests a linear notion or pattern of grief. This has made many people to think of grief as a finite process with a beginning and an end. Moreso, having been made synonymous with things that are distressing, painful, and bad; the demand for closure seems justified.
This societal pressure to “move on” after a certain period of grieving, for many, is unrealistic. Since grief is emotionally complex, it should therefore not be expected to be resolved with a single moment of closure. In addition, some losses, particularly those involving trauma, unresolved conflict, or young deaths leave lasting emotional scars.
Indeed, the process of dealing with the changes loss brings happens throughout an entire lifetime.
Which is very much like how after the birth of a child, life is completely different – forever. Instead of focusing on the notion of closure, it may be more helpful to think about healing as a gradual process of adaptation and acceptance which will be unique for each individual.
