Planning Ahead for Aging Parents

Few conversations feel as important and as difficult as talking with aging parents about the future. In a culture where respect for elders runs deep and many families still live in multi-generational homes, these discussions are often postponed until a health crisis forces them.

Yet gentle, timely planning can bring peace of mind to everyone involved. Here is a guide to help you open the conversation with love instead of fear.

Choose the Right Moment & Tone

Never begin with “We need to talk about when you die.” Instead, frame it around care and respect:

“Mum, Dad, I love you both so much and I want us to be prepared so no one ever has to guess what you would have wanted.”

Choose a calm, private time, perhaps after Sunday lunch when everyone is relaxed, or during a quiet evening on the veranda. Avoid times of stress, illness, or celebration.

Start with Open-Ended Questions

Let your parents lead the conversation. Listen more than you speak. Take notes discreetly or ask permission to write. Their answers often reveal priorities you never expected.

Cover the Key Topics Gradually

Break the discussion into several conversations over weeks or months. Don’t try to cover everything in one sitting. The most important areas are as follows:

Health & Medical Decisions

Do they have a will or advance directive? Who would they trust to make medical decisions if they can’t? Are there treatments they would never want (e.g., life support, feeding tube)?

Financial & Legal Preparations

Where are important documents kept (will, land papers, bank details, BVN)? Who is the executor or next of kin? Are there life insurance policies, pensions, or investments?

End-of-Life Wishes

Burial or cremation? Do they want any traditional rites, religious service, or simple memorial? Are there specific songs, Bible verses, or people they want involved?

Parents may respond in different ways. Perhaps with humor, defensiveness, or avoidance. However they respond, bear in mind that these conversations are about love, respect, and giving them the gift of control and dignity. When done with patience and kindness, they often deepen family bonds rather than strain them.